Before this gets read it needs to be said that these are my feelings. Trigger Warning- eating disorders.
I want to be thin.
I look in the mirror and pinch the fat.
I work out almost every day and you'd think I'd lose weight.
No one really talks about how eating too much is a disorder too.
I grasp at my gut and look at my butt.
I look at my phone and see these images.
Pretty blondes with their perfect bodies.
But when I look in the mirror I see a pathetic wannabe.
Sometimes I look over my sink
As my heart starts to sink.
My brain starts to think.
What did I eat today?
I make a list of things.
Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner.
That's why I'm not thinner.
I debate bulimia but why would I do that?
If I shove my fingers down my throat I'd choke.
I'd be going from one extreme to another.
So why couldn't I just have been born normal?
Sometimes I look back at pictures of when I was 17 or 18 and I wish I could be that size again. But I remember the pain I felt when I was that size and wished I could be smaller, prettier, taller, smarter, more popular. The people who really loved me then, still love me now. I will always love you and you will always be the prettiest, most talented, kindest, to me.