I knew what love felt like once.
We could just sit in silence and the world would be okay.
My head on his lap as he plays his dumb video games.
Looking down to make sure I was okay.
Giggling as my phone fell on my face.
I'm scared that I'll never find a love like that.
And I wish I could say he was nothing to me.
But I would sprint to the door when I heard him knock.
And oddly enough I miss his lies.
I miss the way he would accuse me of things I could never do.
I miss wanting to slap him across the face for the dumb shit he'd say
That's what I seem to attract.
Toxic Lovers.
For once.
I just want silent love.
Someone who smiles even when I'm wearing sweat pants.
And I know it most likely won't happen now.
Love my age almost never does.
But I'm drowning in my own doubts and mind.
And I seemingly continue this cycle.
It was never just him.
The lies continued to spill into my ears for a few months after we split.
But I get chills when I get called pretty.
So I let their little lies stay for quite some time.
So maybe for once, I can say with pride.
Fuck you and fuck your lies.
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